1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,899
It'll not hurt you.

2
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:05,259
I just don't want to go
into a church, that's all.

3
00:00:05,260 --> 00:00:07,099
It's just an experiment.

4
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:11,479
I'm going to prove to him
that he does believe, whether
he believes it or not.

5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,359
I had enough experiments
when they had me in hospital.

6
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:16,519
What were you in for? Two weeks.

7
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,019
Ooh, very nasty. Two weeks.

8
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,799
A man should have some religion.

9
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,160
I am not raised for church.

10
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,319
Come on! Come on!

11
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,119
His family's always been devout
National Assistance.

12
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,199
Time you saw the inside of something
other than a betting shop.

13
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,520
At least in them tha don't have
to die to collect the winnings.

14
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,480
Here, come back! Come back!

15
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,739
Come back! Come on!

16
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:53,580
Looks like the spirit's
moving him fairly rapidly.

17
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,799
I can't bear to think
of him touching you.

18
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,619
He is me husband.

19
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,779
Well, that's no excuse.

20
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:02,399
He takes you for granted.

21
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,499
He hardly ever takes me anywhere,
these days.

22
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:11,219
He's become ever so remote,
ever since he started taking
that stuff for his heat bumps.

23
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:16,339
All right, you can come out now.
We'll not be hiding behind that book.

24
00:01:16,340 --> 00:01:18,379
Now then, why did you run away?

25
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,719
I didn't run away.
I just remembered something.

26
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,859
Oh, yes?
That your trousers were on fire?

27
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:27,339
Notice the smoke coming out
of your wellies, did you?

28
00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:32,459
I told you he'd not go near. You'll
notice how his religious scepticism
failed him as he went up that path.

29
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:35,399
It isn't God, it's the vicar.
I owe him a few bob.

30
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,499
Don't tell me that rubbish.
You were in mortal fear. I knew you
would be.

31
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,859
It's all very well to scoff at the
afterlife from the relative security
of the taproom at the Red Lion.

32
00:01:44,860 --> 00:01:47,879
But then nobody's had a mystical
experience at the Red Lion.

33
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:54,259
Maybe not. But it was touch and
go once or twice when they had
no bulb in the outside toilet.

34
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:58,859
You can't scoff when you find
yourself on consecrated
premises, can you?

35
00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,959
I've had lectures all my life
from fellas in trilby hats.

36
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,999
If they're not preaching religion,
they've come to
take your telly back.

37
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,419
You weren't so confident about
being an atheist back there.

38
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,039
I'm not changing anything.

39
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,579
Oh, we can see you're not changing
anything. I'm sticking to my opinion.

40
00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:18,199
And no doubt you're sticking
to your socks, an' all.

41
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,039
No wonder he's an atheist.

42
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:24,319
If cleanliness were next
to godliness, there's
nowhere else he can go.

43
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:29,099
Come on, we'll take a walk up
the hill. And if he won't admit to
feeling a sense of wonder in church,

44
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:33,199
we'll see how he feels when
faced with the wonders of nature.

45
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,659
Wonders of nature!

46
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:38,320
One cow cake after another.

47
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:55,799
You know, I used to come up here
and ponder the meaning of life.

48
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,259
I used to come up here for rabbits.

49
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,139
Given up girls, had you?

50
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:02,639
I've had more lasses
than you've had handbags.

51
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:08,260
It's moments like this that make
you stop and realise just how
bloody draughty it is.

52
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:21,299
Yes, you ask yourself,
what does it all mean?

53
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:25,139
You try and prepare for
higher things.

54
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:28,059
I like a bit of Mozart.

55
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:31,419
Oh, we usually had corned beef.

56
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,499
She used to cut it up thin,
did my missus.

57
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,280
Trim it up with a bit
of lettuce, cucumber.

58
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:43,039
I reckon by the time she'd done,
it was nearly as posh as Mozart.

59
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,599
I used to play without letters,
of course. Of course.

60
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:51,079
I still
have 12 classical long-players
from the Reader's Digest.

61
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,799
You haven't? I have. Well, I don't
suppose it need make any difference.

62
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,860
We've known each other a long time.

63
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:10,379
Of course, some of us
have the natural taste
to overcome a skimpy education.

64
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:13,259
I know what they say
about me behind my back.

65
00:04:13,260 --> 00:04:18,859
That's Blamire, out of the army with
ideas above his station. There we go.

66
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:21,579
Then, of course, there
was that awful scandal when I was

67
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:24,280
caught in that compromising
position with the telegraph.

68
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:29,359
It was your wild language
that people found objectionable.

69
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,500
Fancy saying "discipline"
in front of a social worker.

70
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,259
'Ey up!

71
00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:40,179
Did tha think I'd got lost?

72
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:44,539
Why should we expect Dame Fortune
to grant us a boon of such magnitude?

73
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:48,019
I say this much for thee,
Cyril, tha's a lovely talker.

74
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:53,339
I'll have less of the Cyril.
Try Mr Blamire, while doffing
your tatty cap. Is that my coffee?

75
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:58,259
Aye. Your coffee that we have
brought in our flasks. I thank you.

76
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:01,619
Where have you been?
Don't encourage him!

77
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:05,039
It doesn't do to inquire into the
unseemly mysteries of his person.

78
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,819
I'll tell you this much, it
weren't easy without any paper.

79
00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,799
I told you, I told you.

80
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:18,459
Not at this altitude. I got right
down behind that dry-stone wall,
but it was still no good.

81
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:20,280
Too much wind.

82
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,899
You should have heard it whistling.

83
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:26,399
God forbid.

84
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,119
I don't know how
Boy Scouts can do it.

85
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,099
Probably by numbers.

86
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:35,099
And then only under
careful supervision.

87
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:41,039
15 minutes and all I could
raise were a puff or two of smoke.

88
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,479
Could he be adapted, do you think,
for signalling purposes?

89
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:49,299
He'd have to be licensed by the GPO,
respond to simple commands.

90
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,859
No, the operator would have to
handle him. That is too much to ask.

91
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:55,999
And then I run out of matches.
So, no fire.

92
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,679
You're always out of something.

93
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:03,020
He's like your friendly neighbourhood
famine. Ah, we didn't need a fire,
any road.

94
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:10,860
If I had a match, I could
light me fag. If I had a fag.

95
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:16,039
I only have one consolation
and that is I am contributing,

96
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,919
in my own small way, little
as it is, to a bit of lung cancer.

97
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,940
Though I must confess to periods
of doubt when it seems that
he's going to live forever.

98
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,199
Alexander the Great died at 33.

99
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,899
So?

100
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:46,879
So, stand up everybody with
a better excuse for being alive.

101
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,119
Yeah, too many cars on the road.

102
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,919
He wasn't killed by a car!

103
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,779
Yeah, well, our Dudley was, nearly.

104
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:57,739
I think I've just made up
my mind about euthanasia.

105
00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:00,679
I'm for it.
He got knocked off his bike.

106
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,859
Alexander the Great?
I never knew that.

107
00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:05,259
No, our Dudley!

108
00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:09,019
It were probably the owner
that recognised his bike.

109
00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:12,239
That's a yard... He would have
survived, though, wouldn't he?

110
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:18,259
Your Dudley. Now, if he'd have been
a Christian gentleman, he would have
inevitably have copped his clogs.

111
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:23,199
We've all had that uncomfortable
feeling that the Almighty
is not all that competent.

112
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,439
That's what I mean.

113
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,339
How can you fathom it all out?

114
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:31,539
Eh! Do you reckon there is one?
An Almighty?

115
00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:35,359
Do you mind not being so provocative
while we're under this tree?

116
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,119
And use your right hand!

117
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,020
That's the one you invariably
pick your nose with!

118
00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:45,139
Cyril believes there's an Almighty.

119
00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:47,039
He believes in anything!

120
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,419
Less of the Cyril. I want to know
if Clegg believes in the Almighty.

121
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:53,659
Who needs eternity?

122
00:07:53,660 --> 00:07:55,819
Suppose you're waiting for a bus?

123
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:58,279
I don't think it all ends
when you die.

124
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,319
I've got it! Ey!

125
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,539
If there is an 'eaven, do you
reckon you could take your ferrets?

126
00:08:06,540 --> 00:08:12,179
Who's that little angel in
the wellies who's just passed you
that kite? Ferret?

127
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:15,819
I shouldn't worry unduly. Not a
place you're likely to encounter.

128
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:20,120
If it's only for Conservatives,
I don't want to bloody go!

129
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,860
Compo coming down from the trees!

130
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:29,340
'Ey up. Get his left foot.

131
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,760
Oh!

132
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,740
Ooh! Oh! Oh!

133
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,599
We must be adult about
this thing, Mrs Partridge.

134
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,079
Not now, Mr Wainwright.

135
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,599
I haven't finished those special
requests for Doncaster Borough.

136
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:59,219
To think I've found you in this
petit bourgeois town.

137
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:02,139
You're a lovely, wild thing.

138
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:03,839
Oh, I don't know.

139
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,679
That body was made for pleasure!

140
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,199
It used to enjoy a slow foxtrot.

141
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,079
But now it never takes me anywhere.

142
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,059
Carnal pleasure.

143
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:19,999
Andy never says
anything cheeky like that.

144
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,179
He hasn't got your gift
for words, Mr Wainwright.

145
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:28,620
No, he just takes it
for granted I shall be waiting
for him after Match of the Day.

146
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:36,159
He's strangling all the poetry
in you! It's true.

147
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,379
Mind you, he's very
good about the house.

148
00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:41,820
All the poetry's gone
but he's got his Black and Decker.

149
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,639
You poor love.

150
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,879
And what have you got?

151
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,720
I've got me back against these
encyclopaedias, Mr Wainwright!

152
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,979
And I've got these
terrible feelings of guilt.

153
00:09:57,980 --> 00:10:00,380
I'm sure everybody knows.

154
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,659
If there's no Almighty,
why should one sometimes feel guilty?

155
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:19,519
What about, Cyril?
I was speaking figuratively.

156
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,779
Ah! Come on, Cyril, you can tell us.

157
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:24,799
You keep your beady eye on the kite.

158
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,339
You hate yourself,
guilty conscience...

159
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:30,159
I thought, hello,

160
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,799
what's he been up to?

161
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,799
It was merely an observation.

162
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,559
Why should I feel guilty?

163
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,199
That's what I like
about the Conservatives.
They've got confidence.

164
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,919
It's not confidence, I've got faith.

165
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,179
You've put it on me thing...
Get it off!

166
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,239
You're not Mr Cocky when you're dead.

167
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:53,059
I won't know, will I?
How do you know when you're dead?
You yourself, how do you know?

168
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:55,639
You're expected to take
the hint when they bury you.

169
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,219
No, it's a good question
when you think about it.

170
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:01,999
There's a lot to being dead.
It's not something any folk can do.

171
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,060
That's why there's
so many still alive.

172
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,719
I want to be cremated.

173
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,340
Well why didn't you say something
when we went to get some fuel?

174
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:19,220
And what are you
going to do for fags, eh?

175
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,339
Well, what will you do for fags?
I'll not go short.

176
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:32,979
Go on! You've always been short.

177
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,619
You're a hideous 4'9".

178
00:11:34,620 --> 00:11:37,839
I'm streamline muscle!

179
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:43,099
I'll get fags.
He'll become the plaything of this
wealthy builders' merchant.

180
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:47,559
Go down the primrose path amidst
a welter of rich brass fittings.

181
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:52,839
You should read these American
novels these days, they're all
doing it, searching for something.

182
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,479
Aye. And they'll get
something at that rate.

183
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,839
I don't know any builders'
merchants. You do!

184
00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:01,039
And I shouldn't get too close
to any American novelists either.

185
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:05,560
There were that time during
the war with Hilda Mason
and them three Yanks.

186
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,740
Everybody knew it were rape,
but she were never prosecuted.

187
00:12:13,352 --> 00:12:16,011
Did you read those passages
I marked?

188
00:12:16,012 --> 00:12:19,051
That powerful portrayal
of human emotion?

189
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:23,651
Yes, but I don't think
I could ever do any of those things,
Mr Wainwright.

190
00:12:23,652 --> 00:12:27,751
The spirits will it,
the actions take care of themselves.

191
00:12:27,752 --> 00:12:31,431
Especially with me back
the way it's been.

192
00:12:31,432 --> 00:12:34,212
Could you still care
for me in a support?

193
00:12:37,672 --> 00:12:43,591
You don't know what it means to me
at my time of life to find out
that Karl Marx isn't enough!

194
00:12:43,592 --> 00:12:46,371
I'll sit in me furnished room
at night,

195
00:12:46,372 --> 00:12:48,071
thinking about you.

196
00:12:48,072 --> 00:12:49,632
Is that right, me old love?

197
00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:53,272
It must be the rustle of me wellies!

198
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:01,471
Will you come inside and stop
antagonising the management?

199
00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:07,691
To think he
could've gone to Australia for ten
quid, we should've had a collection.

200
00:13:07,692 --> 00:13:10,032
Just after t'war when
his shirt were cleaner.

201
00:13:11,632 --> 00:13:14,511
It can't be much cop in Australia.
Hurley Bailey came back.

202
00:13:14,512 --> 00:13:17,191
Oh, well, then,
that's Australia finished.

203
00:13:17,192 --> 00:13:19,012
He couldn't stand the beer.

204
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:23,371
Typical.
The priorities of the lower orders!

205
00:13:23,372 --> 00:13:25,872
It's a long way to go
for a disappointing pint.

206
00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:30,411
What's he doing now?
Drinking Guinness. For a living?

207
00:13:30,412 --> 00:13:34,051
You'd think so,
the way he slops it down.

208
00:13:34,052 --> 00:13:36,311
I fancy Canada myself.

209
00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:39,311
In the 2.30? No!

210
00:13:39,312 --> 00:13:41,451
For emigrating.

211
00:13:41,452 --> 00:13:44,131
I fancied Piggott's horse
in the 2.30.

212
00:13:44,132 --> 00:13:47,831
Why Canada? Well I saw this
Janet McDonald picture.

213
00:13:47,832 --> 00:13:49,611
She isn't Canadian!

214
00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:53,031
But she was in Rosemary
and Nelson Eddy were a Mountie.

215
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,891
God save us!

216
00:13:54,892 --> 00:13:57,971
Don't tell us you had this
unseemly vision of you as a Mountie?

217
00:13:57,972 --> 00:14:00,631
I don't know,
if they took Nelson Eddy...

218
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,731
I didn't want to be a Mountie!

219
00:14:02,732 --> 00:14:05,451
I thought I might've tried
me hand at fur trapping.

220
00:14:05,452 --> 00:14:10,431
You? It's not lying around
in coat-sized lumps out there!

221
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,391
It's wrapped round muscle and teeth.

222
00:14:12,392 --> 00:14:14,531
I've done a bit of ferreting.

223
00:14:14,532 --> 00:14:16,471
Can't be all that different.

224
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:19,051
I can just see his ferrets
out there now.

225
00:14:19,052 --> 00:14:23,992
Blowing on their little
frozen paws and eyeing this
bear with a look of amazement.

226
00:14:25,652 --> 00:14:30,692
Trapper requires
unusually aggressive ferrets.

227
00:14:32,232 --> 00:14:36,291
Imported ferret terrorises Quebec.

228
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:42,071
No cause for alarm,
says police chief, as mayor
dragged down rabbit hole.

229
00:14:42,072 --> 00:14:46,551
The New World might have
developed all his potential!

230
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,491
Made him a legend among the Eskimo!

231
00:14:48,492 --> 00:14:53,151
Ha! Got through winter on
a skillet of flapjack and beans.

232
00:14:53,152 --> 00:14:54,871
They used to rub noses.

233
00:14:54,872 --> 00:14:57,151
Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy?

234
00:14:57,152 --> 00:14:59,492
I never knew that.

235
00:15:01,992 --> 00:15:07,651
Have you a minute to spare?
I mean, I hate to interrupt this
whirl of activity... Oh, shove off.

236
00:15:07,652 --> 00:15:09,311
You haven't even done them pots!

237
00:15:09,312 --> 00:15:11,331
No wonder you're getting fat.

238
00:15:11,332 --> 00:15:12,911
I ought to be as thin as a rail.

239
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,032
Agreed. Then you could go
and lie down in front of a train.

240
00:15:20,612 --> 00:15:22,991
When are you going
to unbung that drain?

241
00:15:22,992 --> 00:15:25,151
Now come on,
now, before your feet take root.

242
00:15:25,152 --> 00:15:30,791
Anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask!
Winter, you're supposed to hibernate.

243
00:15:30,792 --> 00:15:33,011
Winter, not every ruddy afternoon.

244
00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:36,811
Now come on, it's started smelling. I
don't know what might be down there.

245
00:15:36,812 --> 00:15:39,832
It'll be your mother.
She's been through everything else.

246
00:15:43,972 --> 00:15:45,871
Thank God, saved by the bell.

247
00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:48,151
Oh, you're always in luck,
aren't you?

248
00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:52,531
Two meat pies and a flapjack and
beans for Powerful Pierre there...

249
00:15:52,532 --> 00:15:56,511
Ah, three meat pies... the
inventor of the forty-foot ferret.

250
00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:58,311
Get off! Mustard?

251
00:15:58,312 --> 00:16:01,871
Why not indeed? Three teas,
and how's your lady wife?

252
00:16:01,872 --> 00:16:06,611
Three with sugar,
and same as bloody usual.

253
00:16:06,612 --> 00:16:09,631
'Ey, Compo,
your missus left you, didn't she?

254
00:16:09,632 --> 00:16:12,271
Aye, she ran off with a Pole.

255
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,571
I suppose it was wartime.
Aye. Y'see?

256
00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:16,511
There's nowt happening
like that nowadays.

257
00:16:16,512 --> 00:16:18,611
It wasn't all fun.

258
00:16:18,612 --> 00:16:20,391
Cigs were rationed.
Come on. Come on!

259
00:16:20,392 --> 00:16:22,911
All right, all right, I'm coming!

260
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:24,392
Go on, get in there!

261
00:16:27,072 --> 00:16:28,691
And where are you sitting?

262
00:16:28,692 --> 00:16:32,371
I'm sitting here.
Must you be scruffy AND convivial?

263
00:16:32,372 --> 00:16:35,071
Have you no inclination for
separate tables? All right.

264
00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:37,511
Sit down, Compo, we're all together.

265
00:16:37,512 --> 00:16:42,371
The camaraderie of the aging
redundant cuts across all social
classes.

266
00:16:42,372 --> 00:16:44,211
Have you seen him eat a meat pie?

267
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,812
'Ey, give us a fag, and I'll
give you a flash of me gums.

268
00:16:50,732 --> 00:16:56,151
Well, it's 'orrible. Close your eyes
and just listen to his acoustics.

269
00:16:56,152 --> 00:16:59,991
In multidimensional,
nerve-grating stereo.

270
00:16:59,992 --> 00:17:03,951
He's got a lot of lip for somebody
who comes from t'same street as me.

271
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:06,231
It's not where you're born,
it's what you do with it.

272
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:10,671
As far as I can recollect, you
could never do anything with it.

273
00:17:10,672 --> 00:17:12,811
His mother wouldn't
let him play wi' lasses.

274
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:16,211
Aye, she mistrusted them,
ever since she saw your grandma,

275
00:17:16,212 --> 00:17:19,591
that white-haired old lady,
duffing up policemen.

276
00:17:19,592 --> 00:17:22,571
Only when she were drunk.

277
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:27,711
It's destiny, fate
that brings us together. Redundancy.

278
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:45,471
You can't fight forces like that.

279
00:17:45,472 --> 00:17:48,571
We were all very worried when
we saw you in them sailor suits.

280
00:17:48,572 --> 00:17:52,591
It was a custom in those days for
many children to wear sailor suits.

281
00:17:52,592 --> 00:17:56,592
Well, I never had one.
I find that surprising.
Your mother knew enough sailors.

282
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:02,891
We was poor! We were all poor!

283
00:18:02,892 --> 00:18:05,011
Ah, but we was poor and scruffy.

284
00:18:05,012 --> 00:18:06,571
I remember.

285
00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:10,111
He used to walk around without
any gloves, and hands in pockets.

286
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:13,891
Usually mine. He used to keep
his pocket money in a purse.

287
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,991
I didn't keep it long
when you were about.

288
00:18:15,992 --> 00:18:20,512
Hey,
I used to wait for him outside school
when he crept out of needlework.

289
00:18:28,632 --> 00:18:31,872
That's what you miss,
a woman round the house.

290
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:46,231
Yes, it's funny how you end up
after you start off with such high
hopes about cut glass and china.

291
00:18:46,232 --> 00:18:49,111
We haven't ended yet.
We've only just started.

292
00:18:49,112 --> 00:18:52,911
For the first time in our lives,
we've got time to look at things.

293
00:18:52,912 --> 00:18:54,771
What things?

294
00:18:54,772 --> 00:18:56,911
Everything.

295
00:18:56,912 --> 00:18:58,611
What's he on about?

296
00:18:58,612 --> 00:19:04,631
'Ey? He means we ought to be trying
to find out what it's all about,
what we're doing here.

297
00:19:04,632 --> 00:19:07,851
Well, we're waiting
for your cruddy vests!

298
00:19:07,852 --> 00:19:10,771
On the planet. What it all means.

299
00:19:10,772 --> 00:19:13,492
After we've got your vests.

300
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,392
Oh!

301
00:19:27,052 --> 00:19:34,511
If the other one hadn't've let me
down, I'd've won fourteen chuffin'
quid on Piggott's horse yesterday.

302
00:19:34,512 --> 00:19:40,031
Are you determined to end life
as you started it, dead ignorant?

303
00:19:40,032 --> 00:19:43,671
I know it's a family tradition,
but you can carry things too far.

304
00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:46,372
Stick with us, kid.
We'll broaden your mind.

305
00:19:47,952 --> 00:19:49,771
Got a light? You see?

306
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,632
He's asking questions already.

307
00:19:56,912 --> 00:19:59,692
Watch it below!

308
00:20:01,332 --> 00:20:04,971
He'll have that mill chimney down.

309
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,751
Look at him!

310
00:20:06,752 --> 00:20:09,572
Him that's been off work
30 years with his back!

311
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:15,791
Y'know, it gets quite
exhausting, all this playing about.

312
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:21,631
You go careful, Compo,
there've been some terrible injuries
in low-railing-jumping circles.

313
00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:26,411
What have you ever contributed
to the world? Eh? Go on, tell us!

314
00:20:26,412 --> 00:20:28,811
A chuffin' Pole took my missus.

315
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,972
How much more do I owe? Timber!

316
00:20:38,192 --> 00:20:40,811
You're hopeless! Oh, I don't know.

317
00:20:40,812 --> 00:20:45,431
He might have been Fidel Castro
if he'd been born in Cuba,
and given the revolution

318
00:20:45,432 --> 00:20:49,871
a whole new dimension in the way
of wellies and bacon sandwiches.

319
00:20:49,872 --> 00:20:51,391
Do you believe in anything?

320
00:20:51,392 --> 00:20:54,211
What y'say?
I said, do you believe in anything?

321
00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:55,972
I believe it's your turn for fags.

322
00:21:05,272 --> 00:21:09,091
Nobody believes in owt these days.
Well, I do. Great!

323
00:21:09,092 --> 00:21:14,551
Ah, does the Almighty mend his
broken mice, I wonder, somewhere?

324
00:21:14,552 --> 00:21:16,971
Why? Do you believe, then?
I don't know.

325
00:21:16,972 --> 00:21:20,791
I believe if I was God,
I'd have stuck to pottering
about in my greenhouse.

326
00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:24,631
I wouldn't have taken us lot on.
Well, there must be something. Why?

327
00:21:24,632 --> 00:21:27,511
There's got to be something
stronger than the unions.

328
00:21:27,512 --> 00:21:31,671
How could anybody believe in
miracles? It's very popular.

329
00:21:31,672 --> 00:21:35,011
You want to listen to the
workers fulminating a few demands.

330
00:21:35,012 --> 00:21:36,811
I know what he believes.

331
00:21:36,812 --> 00:21:39,251
He's convinced that God's a Tory?

332
00:21:39,252 --> 00:21:44,571
'Ey up,
if God comes in overalls, there'll
be some sulky faces in church.

333
00:21:44,572 --> 00:21:47,332
I still say that he's
scared to go near a church.

334
00:21:48,852 --> 00:21:51,071
Why do we need to go inside?

335
00:21:51,072 --> 00:21:53,411
It's painless.
You don't have to wash or anything.

336
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,131
It would make any difference.

337
00:21:55,132 --> 00:21:58,892
What are you getting nervous for?
Who's nervous? Well, come on then.

338
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:04,432
Look at him. Anybody would
think he were a shareholder.

339
00:22:15,312 --> 00:22:19,091
Well, it's all right if I smoke out
here, ain't it? You'll be all right.

340
00:22:19,092 --> 00:22:20,911
They used to burn more than that.

341
00:22:20,912 --> 00:22:26,171
It's all very well being cocky
out on the streets, but I want
to see you when we get inside.

342
00:22:26,172 --> 00:22:27,971
Why? What goes off? What goes off?

343
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:30,371
You'll come out all in one piece.

344
00:22:30,372 --> 00:22:32,091
It's not as if it was a synagogue.

345
00:22:32,092 --> 00:22:34,231
Nothing goes off.
There's no service on.

346
00:22:34,232 --> 00:22:38,871
You just go inside,
sit down in the quiet and listen.

347
00:22:38,872 --> 00:22:42,251
What to?
Your own thoughts. That's all.

348
00:22:42,252 --> 00:22:44,111
I can hear them out here.

349
00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:46,371
But they'll be different inside.

350
00:22:46,372 --> 00:22:48,091
That's the whole point.

351
00:22:48,092 --> 00:22:50,571
At least, I hope
they'll be different.

352
00:22:50,572 --> 00:22:53,271
You don't have to go in now.

353
00:22:53,272 --> 00:22:55,932
Maybe you'd rather come
back when you're dead.

354
00:23:16,372 --> 00:23:18,671
Do you... Shh!

355
00:23:18,672 --> 00:23:20,252
Don't you have to sign me in?

356
00:23:51,092 --> 00:23:52,752
Is somebody buried under there?

357
00:24:51,792 --> 00:24:53,772
♪ All things bright and... ♪

358
00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:22,351
Is that gold?

359
00:25:22,352 --> 00:25:24,711
That eagle, is it made of gold?

360
00:25:24,712 --> 00:25:26,952
No.

361
00:26:14,972 --> 00:26:17,111
I saw a mad organist
once in a picture.

362
00:26:17,112 --> 00:26:20,691
It's no good if you're going to
fidget. Didn't you feel anything?

363
00:26:20,692 --> 00:26:24,091
Aye, me nose were itching.
Bonny church inside.

364
00:26:24,092 --> 00:26:28,251
It's beautiful. And is that all
you can say, your nose was itching?

365
00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:29,971
Well, I liked that eagle.

366
00:26:29,972 --> 00:26:33,911
You see, Cyril, he's felt the first
little brass ferret of devotion.

367
00:26:33,912 --> 00:26:36,312
Come on. Time I was home.

368
00:26:42,172 --> 00:26:46,131
All it wants is a bit of putty,
a dab of paint. I heard you.

369
00:26:46,132 --> 00:26:48,311
Well, why don't you
do something about it?

370
00:26:48,312 --> 00:26:51,911
What, like praying to go deaf!
Him next door gets things done.

371
00:26:51,912 --> 00:26:53,591
Well, I'd do things for her.

372
00:26:53,592 --> 00:26:55,251
Well, I shan't stand in your way.

373
00:26:55,252 --> 00:26:57,991
I'm just glad to see you
getting any sort of exercise.

374
00:26:57,992 --> 00:27:02,471
I bet she's got more to offer than
1,001 jolly jobs about the home.
Well, you live in it, don't you?

375
00:27:02,472 --> 00:27:06,571
In it? I've been in it ever since
we threw caution to the wind
that night behind the baths.

376
00:27:06,572 --> 00:27:10,412
Aye, and that's another thing, that
bathroom wants papering. Oh, hell!

377
00:27:12,192 --> 00:27:14,271
Aye, we lived on dripping for years.

378
00:27:14,272 --> 00:27:16,571
Nourishing, up to a point.

379
00:27:16,572 --> 00:27:20,571
I have a very clear recollection
of the Depression. It was just here.

380
00:27:20,572 --> 00:27:24,311
He did it with an outsized
marble and a catapult.

381
00:27:24,312 --> 00:27:27,351
What wounded me even more,
however, was the knowledge

382
00:27:27,352 --> 00:27:32,391
that he was aided and abetted by
Delphine Hackett's knicker elastic.

383
00:27:32,392 --> 00:27:34,251
We were just good friends.

384
00:27:34,252 --> 00:27:38,811
It's a bonny world.
Still, must make it easier to
have faith in something.

385
00:27:38,812 --> 00:27:40,651
It's all right for some.

386
00:27:40,652 --> 00:27:42,771
But consider the tapeworm.

387
00:27:42,772 --> 00:27:46,411
All that time in
somebody's lower intestine.

388
00:27:46,412 --> 00:27:48,151
How's that for environment?

389
00:27:48,152 --> 00:27:53,991
Can you see them singing Bless This
House in reedy, worm-like voices?

390
00:27:53,992 --> 00:27:55,711
Ferrets like worms.

391
00:27:55,712 --> 00:27:59,772
In dark alleys, I suppose. Keeps
their hand in, waiting for grizzlies.

392
00:28:02,912 --> 00:28:04,571
It's an open question, life.

393
00:28:04,572 --> 00:28:09,131
Anything's possible. I mean, what
do we really know about anything?

394
00:28:09,132 --> 00:28:12,431
Maybe we're already dead. What?

395
00:28:12,432 --> 00:28:16,791
Maybe we had to die to get here
from some other place.

396
00:28:16,792 --> 00:28:20,111
Give us a fag
before I get a headache.

397
00:28:20,112 --> 00:28:24,151
So this is heaven then,
or the other place.

398
00:28:24,152 --> 00:28:26,451
Well, it can't be the other place.
Why not?

399
00:28:26,452 --> 00:28:30,272
In Yorkshire? It would be
further south, wouldn't it?